My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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