Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
