Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
