i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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