How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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