he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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