I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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