so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I understand Curling. That high.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
