Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
