I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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