Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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