Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
