Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
