You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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