eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
