Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
