I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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