Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
