i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
