it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
