I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
