I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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