he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
