What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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