I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
vagina is talking i cant
she told me i tasted like america
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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