i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize