Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
