i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
