He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
