Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
