I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
