Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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