There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
