if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
