i permit you to call me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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