I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
