I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
