Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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