Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
