you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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