i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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