you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
