I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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