3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
