dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
