I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
