I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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