im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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