there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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