I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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