whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
