Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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