I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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