the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
