Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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