THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
