He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
