Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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