I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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