I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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