Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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